I Want To.

Sometimes I wonder if at the end of my life, when I finally leave everything behind, would I have done all those things that I always wanted to do, see all those places that I always wanted to see, eat all those things that I always wanted to eat?

I wanted to do a lot of things, I want to travel to places, like Europe, watch a live football match in London, go to Normandy in France to see the beaches where the Allied forces landed on D-Day in WWII. I want to go Canada again, this time in spring/summer and visit the Canadian Rockies. I want to go Japan, and visit those hot springs that they always show in Japan Hour on CNA. I want to go Hawaii, and visit those nice beaches they always show on the TV.

I want to buy a farm, write a book, get my Masters, have many dogs, design and build a few websites, have kids, raise my kids, watch sunsets all over the world.

There is just so much that I want to do, so much that I want to see and here I am, with almost half of my lifespan gone and not accomplishing one of them. Here I am, stuck in the rat race, with no prospect of ever climbing up the corporate ladder in my current job, stuck at home on a Saturday because I am on a standby in case clients call and have to go onsite at client's place later in the evening. I come home from work during weekdays, too tired to do anything else. I spent my weekends doing household chores, washing clothes, ironing clothes, doing grocery, cleaning the floor and the house. And then before I know it, the new week arrives, and the cycle repeats again. And meanwhile, the hourglass that contains the Sands of Time, continues in the background.

Sure, there are those who says, just do it, just throw everything away and accomplish what you want. But, how? I just cannot throw away my career and then say, ok, I am going to travel around the world. It is not as if I have that much money. It is not as if I have no responsbility, no family committments. And then there are those who are more zen like, who says, be happy with what you have and such things. But I am not. I only lead this life of mine once, I just don't want it to be this way. I want it to be more than this, I don't want to lie on my dying bed with my last breath and regret that there are things that I have not done, places that I have not gone to.

I wonder how many people out there are really living the life that they always wanted, always dreamed of. I wonder how many people out there, religion aside, are really happy with their lives now.